“Great news! Congrats dear.” Replied MIL instantly. She was proud and happy with her DIL and DKTs achievement. They had repaid a huge loan in a short period of time – worked hard for their bright future.
“Thank god for your mercy” MIL said a prayer and touched wood a thousand times in her mind. “So when are we going for the celebration?” MIL asked after DIL’s return from work.
“What MIL...you know na our DIL KA TUKDA is honeymooning at Tadoba jungle. I only hope he has not proposed to any tiger out there - daal mein kuch kaala lagta hai – why has he gone to the same jungle again? Hope that there is no tribal woman affair!” DIL wondered loudly.
“I am sure that he needn’t propose to a tribal woman or a tigress after he proposed to you 8 years ago.” Said MIL cheekily. MIL and DIL were in a very light mood, which was evident in their conversation. DKT arrived the next night and thereafter the topic of family party popped again.
“If somebody is giving a party, a true KOBRA will never say no to it” said DKT, winking at wifey mischievously. “A greedy foody KOBRA – thats what I was destined to get as my darling hubby” DIL retorted in the same mischievous tone. “Oh my god – what happened to the party – decide and let me know” MIL said while leaving for her school. “Why don’t you ask your Dil Ka Tukda? After all, he is the one who decides where to go, what to eat, what to order – isn’t it? You and I only have to say – ‘Yes, your excellency’”
DIL was in a teasing mood, but to much extent stating the fact too.
DKT is a thorough foodie. Actually he would be a great asset to any of those Food Food, amhi saare khavaiyye type of TV channels. He is also a connoisseur of all kinds of food – may it be from any corner of India or any corner of the world. He doesn’t mind any slithering, burrowing, crawling, walking, swimming or flying specie of the animal kingdom! But in vegetable kingdom he is tremendously choosy. Only potato, methi, cauliflower and karela are the veggies he eats. Well, he does eat whatever is made by DIL or MIL, but only occasionally and only under duress. Because he knows otherwise the two best cooks of the world – i.e – DIL and MIL will leave his nest.
When he is happy with home food, DKT agrees – ‘ghar ki daal – murgi baraabar’!
Then first he eats with his nose, then eyes, then mouth and tongue! His facial expressions, the way he slurps, the way smile enlightens his face, the nodding of his head in happiness gives the feeling of ecstasy to the chefs!
And thats the reason he doesn’t allow anyone to choose the eating joint for any party. “You are just a middle class mentality wali public – what do you know about good food? Your type is happy with wada pav, sekela sandwich, idli-sambar or thali at Udipis.” He says in such a tone that DIL and MIL look at each other guiltily.
MIL wonders if DKT was an exchanged baby at the maternity home – i.e. some elite’s baby was given to her in exchange for her hearts darling. DIL feels that while garlanding such a man standing behind the antarpath she by mistake has put her mala on some rajkumar.
So on the day of the party by DIL, MIL and DIL and the princess of flat 409 walk behind DKT to his car and then to the joint of his choice.
He first chooses a place on the terrace which was the prime reason for choosing this restaurant. DIL and Princess take their seats. MIL is about to settle in the chair when DKT says – “Why are we sitting out? Lets go to the AC hall” DKT leads 3 of them to the dining hall.
He selects a table after giving much thought and points his finger to the table after refusing two corner tables recommended by the captain. After settling down he beckons the captain for the menu card. Menu is handed over to MIL-DIL-DKT and Princess.
“What will you have to begin with? Anybody for soup ? Mocktail? Soft drink?” DKT enquires.
MILs index index pops out! Old habits die hard.
"Once a teacher, always a teacher” says DKT under his breath. “What did I do?” asks MIL innocently. She is confused about DKTs reaction. “Why did you put your finger up like you are a first standard child? You are not in school – you are out in a hotel, and that too with ME.” Says DKT, stressing the word ME.
“OK baba – all I want to say is that I will take soup.” MIL says softly.
“You said soup, didn’t you? I know now you will say ‘cream of tomato’ - but I warn you, I am not going to order that silly choice of yours – Try –try something new – think differently and again don’t say sweet corn soup – thats again a pretty bad choice” DKT went on and on.
“Poor lady – let her have her own choice na re” DIL pleads for MIL, noticing MILs nervousness.
DKT looks at DIL with contempt. “And you – you don’t plead for her. I know your choice very well. Given a choice, you madras will order your rassam. But I am not going to allow you that. I am going to order a fantastic soup for you. You will thank me all your life for my choice.”
Again DKT went on and on. MIL and DIL looked at each other helplessly.
“Father I want Coke.” Says Princess of flat 409 – knowing her fathers choice for branded items. “Yes my baby – I will order exactly what you have asked for! You are having my noble genes.” Says the proud father, mocking MIL and DIL.
MIL and DIL could hardly have three or four sips from their specially ordered concoction. They couldn’t even pretend that they enjoyed it. While MIL and DIL suffer their punishment, DKT orders his favourite foreign branded beer for himself.
He goes over the menu looking for the weirdest names of starters which have some tongue twisting Chinese, Italian, Lebanese or say French names or ingredients which MIL is not familiar with, thought DIL seems to have heard of them.
“Give me something made of paneer, potato, bread or corn. If you order anything else, you will have to eat it or pack it for home.” MIL says firmly.
“Ya – ya – ya – you said it again!” DKT starts laughing so loudly that other people wonder about the content of the joke.
“Dont be mad yaar – what makes you go overboard over the mention ‘pack it’?” DIL enquires.
“Wifey, this mother of mine is more keen to pack the food even before ordering it. It must be her habit from the past birth......HOHOHOHOH HAHAHAHHA HEHEHEHE” DKT continues.
Later with much reluctance he orders four starters for his vegetarian mother and six non veg starters for DIL and himself. Request to check for over-catering falls on the deaf ears.
The captain, the waiter, the owner of the joint look at DKT with new respect. A person ordering dishes with complicated names and exorbitant prices visits once in a way.
They look happy that their chefs would get a chance to try their hands at these dishes. The cooks look for hefty tips and the manager for hefty bill.
The last act of the play named ‘party’ ends somewhat like this – DLT says to MIL “ You have not touched those two starters at all! Why do you eat so little? Why cant you be giving me company in choosing a mocktail to go with those starters? You will feel more energetic and young if you become like me.” DKT shows concern over MILs eating habits.
“Sorry darling – my stomach has shrunk with age – I cannot do justice to your kind offer.” MIL says politely.
“And what about you wifey – you are just nibbling at the tandoori prawns – not yet touched the platter of kababs – what about the chicken stuffed with keema and tandoori fish?” he asks in little disappointed voice.
“Thank you, but no thank you – I am already full with that soup and masala papad. I cant eat any more.”
DIL replies.
DKT becomes upset with DIL and MIL and tells them that for the next party, he would only ask them to take a walk on the footpath, sniff the food and go away.
He looks at the food spread and asks ‘You mean I have to finish these exotic dishes alone?”
“Why not? Its all yours saar.” DIL is sure in her mind that the fish, the prawn, the goat – all will settle well in DKTs tummy along with a few cans of beer.
DKT nibbles, chews, gobbles, swallows and nods his head in full satisfaction. “Any body for dessert? He asks, but looking at the expression on his family members faces, and also the tired, bored waiters he decides to leave the place and beckons the captain for the bill.
When the bill appears, he points towards DIL and tells waiter to present the bill to her, saying that DIL is a bada sheth.
The waiter gives an amused look to DKTs bada pet.
Later while getting down the steps, DKT burps so loudly that a small child looks at him with confusion.
“Dont worry – my mom says that burping and snoring are my dads signature tunes” says the princess of 409 to the scared child. Everybody laughs heartily. DILs party ends on this happy note.
“Some people are ghost writers, and some people are ghost hosts” – MIL proclaims her last word.
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