DIL, MIL and their blunderful DKT

“Mom, I am not available for four days of the coming weekend, don’t ount me in for anything.” Announced DKT when supermom/ MIL was planning a trip to Pune in her Diwali holidays.

DKT’s announcement poured cold water on Supermom/ MILs programme.

“What do you mean? Where are you off to?” she asked.

“I am going to Tadoba sanctuary with my group to see and shoot tigers.” Was DKTs answer.

“Arre, you went  to Bandhavgad last year, before that you went  to Tadoba and then to Bandhavgad again to shoot tigers” enquired supermom MIL with much concern for the tigers in her loving voice.

“Mom...you know that when I say shoot it, it means to click their photos with my brand new multi mega pixel camera.” Explained DKT.

“I know, I know...I am not an illiterate person who thinks that shoot means kill. I am also aware that shooting wild animals is banned.” Said supermom in one breath and then continued “How different can a Tadoba tiger be from a Bandhavgad tiger, I wonder?”

“Oh grandma...you don’t understand that the Tadoba tigers are cousins of the Bandhavgad tigers. So they are a little different – isn’t it so, father?” Princess of flat no. 409 chirped in between.

“You are right baby....see your grandmother doesn’t know” said the proud father.

Then he added in a hurt tone “Your grandmother thinks I have no work to do and lots of money to waste, so I am going to the jungle for entertainment.”

Reluctantly supermom MIL kept her mouth shut.

DKT works from home. Many people envy him because he doesn’t have to commute in heavy traffic hours, doesn’t need  to wear formal clothing, follow a fixed regime of getting up early to reach in time to the office to escape boss’s stares and glares.

DKT is his own boss. The only problem of this working style, is that it results into extreme boredom for him.

The wifey goes in the morning and comes back late in the evening, irritated by the traffic jams.

“Wifey – lets watch a late night movie today” DKT proposes. He loves extempore programmes.

“No way! I had a very long meeting with our directors today – unending – unfruitful discussions. A very trying day. Chee!!” Six out of ten times, this is DILs reply.

“Why cant you understand me? It is so frustrating and irritating to sit at home day after day and then once in a way ask my kind hearted wife – she flatly refuses because I didn’t give her 3 months prior notice in writing for watching a movie! Bah – no spontaneity, no fun. What a lucky guy I am” DKT grumbles.

DIL doesn’t like eleventh hour programmes. Besides office, she has other excuses, like daughters and MILs dinner, or sometimes replying to some urgent mails. Even when MIL generously excuses from the duty towards her, she wants to finish her sleep backlog.

If Dil Ka Tukda still insists, she gives him a counter proposal – or say permission – to bring another wife who will be at his beck and call – dress up and accompany him – whenever and wherever he wants her to go with him.

‘Wise man’, that MILs DKT has not yet fallen for this temptation.

But yes, he has joined many different hobby groups and has started developing interest in photography and biking. With these friends he goes for hiking, and sometimes he decides to move about in town for western music festivals, dramas, movies etc and no one objects to his escapades.

All in all, everybody is happy. The Tadoba trip was one such trip that he had planned.

On the day of the trip the supermom asked DKT “have you checked your journey time dear?”

“What do you mean? Ofcourse, I am sure about my journey time, and date and boarding place.” Retorted DKT.

“Then tell me what time would you be leaving and what about booking of Meru taxi?” Supermom was not ready to give up easily.  She wanted to confirm and reconfirm everything.

“ I have already booked Meru for 9’o’ clock. I have to go to CST. The train starts at 10.15 PM. I have kept a margin of 1 hour 15 min to get to the station, though actually I need only 15 minutes.

Anything else  you want to know or should I watch my TV program?” DKT gave a harsh look, which left MIL totally speechless.

“OK, I will tell DIL to keep your dinner rady by usual time – i.e 8 PM”  said supermom a.k.a MIL and went back to her reading.

Suddenly at about 8.10, MIL heard a loud laughter and she heard DIL – “MIL, MIL – your DKT  has missed his train! He was supposed to board it at 8.15 from CST and he is still sitting here – TV se aankhen laga raha hai.”

Supermom was shocked. In the morning her DKT had assured her about his programme. She was reminded of two such earlier episodes where DKT had done similar faux pas. But she also knew that there was no use getting upset over spilt milk. She gave time to DKT to settle down, and after about an hour, went to his room. DIL and DKT were watching Masterchef!

MIL couldn’t believe her eyes! So cool....no sign of sorrow over loss of ticket money! God bless DKT. 

Supermom had come to console DKT, but instead DKT consoled her – “ Cheer up mom, don’t worry. As soon as wifey told me about my mistake, I immediately booked plane ticket for morning flight. I will reach Nagpur before them and catch up with the group.”

“No remorse over the lost money?”

“Arre mom...hamaare liye paisa hai – hum paise ke liye nahin hai! And also to remind you of an old saying – ‘To err is human’ !”

DKT’s principles were oozing out of his wide smiling mouth. Supermom was still in serious mood.  She warned him –“To err is human – but to err again and again certainly needs a sermon. Have you checked date and time of your journey at least now?” she asked.

DKT shook his head at a complete 180 degree angle.

Satisfied, she came back and retired to her bedroom. 

At around 11’o’clock, she heard a loud banging on her bedroom door. When she opened it, DIL entered, laughing like a mad person who had had too many glasses of bhaang! Totally uncontrollable laughter.

“Now what?” asked MIL, confusion writ large on her face.

Trying to control her bouts of laughter, DIL said, “MIL, I think that you must start a diet of almonds by the kilo fir our DKT. Also, I will buy Shankhapushpi from the ayurvedic medicine shop – for our darling DKT. “

‘But why dear?”

“To improve his memory power’

“And whats wrong with my son’s memory, may I know? He still  remembers his wife’s and mom’s face, isn’t it?

“He does – HAHAHAHAHA – he surely does. HEHEHEHE – but again he has committed a silly mistake.”

“DIL – this is too much – calling my son a silly person!”

“Sorry mom – but he has booked his ticket for 15^th November, instead of 14^th November, when he actually needs to travel on 14^th morning! Again he needs to cancel his air ticket and buy a new one for tomorrow!”

“And how did you notice that?”

“I happened to check his ticket very carefully to avoid embarrassment at the airport.”

“Why did you do it, sonny boy?”

Before DKT could answer, DIL jumped, clapped, laughed and said “it is very simple! He forgot today’s date! He thought it was 14^th instead of 13^th.” She kept on laughing and added – “MIL, please warn him not to go too much close to a tiger during his tadoba excursion. He has already made two mistakes. If he goes too close to a tiger for close up, it is unlikely that the tiger will forgive him – instead it will happily gobble him up! Tigers DONT FORGET their lunch time!”

JAI HO MASTERCHEF

“Hey, wifey , what is a Sunday special breakfast tomorrow ?” asked DKT.

“Vada Sambar , honey and may be a coconut chatany” answered DIL.

“DIL, my relatives from Poone are coming to see us next week , we must sit and plan some menu” MIL said to DIL.

“Don’t worry MIL, I’ll make nice Rassam Vada for them. I am sure they will dance with joy when they’ll get to eat soft soft Vadas with the yummy Rasam”  DIL started drooling over the taste of her own recipe.

“Mumma , what will you make for my Birthday Party this time ? I know Baba is going to order the Chhota Bheem Cake but what is your plan ?” asked the Princess of the flat no B- 409

“Darling , I’ll make cocktail Idlis and Dahiwada. Your friends will lick their fingers to no end” said DIL , the Royal mother.

Dil Ka Tukda overheard the dialogue and butted in –

“And now if I tell you that my friends are coming to enjoy a cricket match on our 50’inch TV , over lunch , you’ll surely present your stereotype Idli Vada treat to them ! Treat – Haha !” blurted DKT – “You and Your Vadas , Great show !”

DKT completed his sentence to the effect of lighting the wick of a bomb.

And the bomb ….. I mean DIL exploded!

“Ya……. You nincompoop – you laughing at my vadas – I am managing my job , daughter , MIL and to top it all YOU – a Nut for last many years – Everybody praises my vadas except you – if you don’t like them then why do you gobble them?” DIL was raging with frustration and anger.  

“Hee – Hee – Hee – I know you South Indians cannot stand an insult to your culinary skill. Just accept and forget that you have VADAMANIA !”

“Ya , Ya , I have Vadamania and you’ve Vadaphobia!- and tell me , what did you expect when you married a South Indian girl like me ! Shrikhand – Puri and masala Bhat along with watery Aamti and Taak ?” DIL now started teasing DKT for his Maharashtrian genealogy.

MIL thought it was a right time for her to wave a white flag !

“Stop arguing over Vadapuran! Let us reach a amicable solution. Tell me who started the  fight ?” asked MIL .

“Who else but your DKT – sits the whole day watching Australian , American , Indian Masterchef programmes , salivating and brooding over those stupid TV shows! All wives have  nightmares because of their husband’s expectations of exotic dishes made by those chefs! Why can’t the men folk move to the kitchen and try their hands at them” – DIL challenged DKT.

“OK- OK –I’ll show you that I am not just whiling away my time but can beat you in your own domain!” DKT accepted the challenge magnanimously! but on a condition of you assisting me”.

“Done!” said DIL.   

And from the next day the 8 X 6 kitchen became abode for our local Sanjeev Kapoor and the family members assisting DKT as and when needed – which was almost all the time.

The foodstores at the malls were raided for the rare ingredients which were unseen by the poor Mom’s kitchen !

The often heard sentences were “What you don’t have thousand island dressing ?”

“Not even the Italian herbs ?”

“And what about Chinese sauces? And I always thought you two ladies manage the full fledged kitchen !”

MIL and DIL were asked to shell , shred , dice , prick , soak , grate , grind , roast , stir fry , shallow fry , deep fry ingredients to make the Master Chef’s Special !

Kitchen sink overflowed with crockery, cutlery and number of pots and pans! Once or twice MIL almost slipped on the wet kitchen floor. Princess too participated by handing over the different articles needed. DIL’s hands were kept busy in arranging the olives , mushrooms , jalapeno pepper , coloured bell pepper , seasoning , grated cheese etc.

And when the dish was ready the first thing was not that offering to God in old Indian way but to click a photo to post it on Face Book ! 

Looking at all this DIL would smile mischievously but look at her DKT adoringly  and praise him   for his excellent performance . 

MIL-  the occasional consultant would be HAPPY any which way – whether DIL or DKT – she would be sure to get Tasty food – either Idli Vada or Pizza , Pasta , Tomato – Sev curry or Papad Subji in curd gravy !

Kudos to Master chef !