Sugandhi Dosti – Fragrant Friendship

I have two DIL’s.   No,  not the organ that you understand by the word DIL!   Otherwise I would have gone down in the book of Medical Miracles and also some doctors would have been waiting with a scalpel to conduct my post-mortem.   This DIL is a different DIL – ie like an old time Crack Jack biscuit.

So the one who is a different DIL  accidentally noticed my love for branded perfumes.  She had entered my room when I was adoringly looking at my collection of empty perfume bottles of yore!    Some of them had been presented to me by my friends and one set was a surprise gift on my birthday by my husband... in the last century!     That was when he happened to visit UK on an official tour.  I loved those cutely shaped bottles and the perfume till it lasted.  Even after they were empty,  they emitted fragrance and revived my memories.    I had preserved the bottles and used to flaunt my treasure to my grandchildren.   On one such occasion,   DIL noticed the lust in my eyes.

This DIL of mine is a very practical person.  She has her own idea of enjoying life’s pleasure.  She stands 1000kms away from all the girlie madness over fashionable clothes, shoes, accessories and perfumes.   She is very happy with her jeans,  tees, backpacks and of course sports shoes – all these items are branded too!

According to this different DIL of mine,  50% of the ladyfolk ,  ie her MIL’s tribe,  waste time in front of the idiot box.   Another 45% girlie folk do nothing but drown themselves in useless discussions over the movies / current fashions / parties / maids  and their nagging MIL’s even if they happen to be married to the most desirable man in town.    And the remaining 5% hardly shows interest in world finance,  share market or global tourism.      My DIL says only if this scenario changes can Mumbai become Shanghai!

Now what was I talking about – yes, perfumes!    So this DIL of mine who believes in simple living, touring and travelling,   hiking and backpacking went for her annual holiday to USA via Kuwait.   She shocked me when she unpacked her backpack.    In a flash,  she took out a set of Dior’s LA collection of perfumes,  and with a bow she presented it to me – For You she said.   My eyes sparkled and filled with tears at the same time.   I still enjoy the lingering fragrance of  Midnight Poison,   Dior Addict Shine,  J’adore,   Miss Dior Cherie and Dior Addict 2.   I love them all.    Lately my granddaughter  too has followed suit.   She never forgets to remind me to wear perfume before leaving for any function.  Of course she chooses her perfume on her own.

Just recently I found the falling levels in those cute little bottles and commented on it  during dinner.  And Oh-la-la!   My DIL took the hint and I got what I wanted – a collection of Lancome perfumes.  DIL  brought it for her mad MIL  when she went for her annual vacation to USA – Sugandhi Dosti ka Haath!   DIL, you have your MIL’s DIL.    

 

Thanks DIL for spreading the Fragrance of Friendship!

DIL MIL gaya

This disaster struck me seven years ago!  My son challenged our role in selecting a suitable match for him.    “Only I,  and not anybody else has a right to choose my better half.   After all it is my life” said he!      We had to gulp down our opinions  and listen to him though he had made many questionable choices in the past, one of them was choosing me as his mother, wasn’t it?

One day after two years of courting and spending most of his unemployment period  under her  kind favours, he brought  the girl home and declared his intention of marrying her.

Happy I was, because I wanted him to marry somebody,  but  this somebody in front of me was not THE person I had visualized about.  I knew something was going on behind our backs when he used to plan escapades with his “friend” for a week or two and THIS was the “friend” he meant.  The girl in front of us was a girl from south,  a short, dark girl with bright clear eyes.    

After a short conversation with her,  she seemed to be a tough nut to crack.   She had a strong opinion about everything I discussed with her.   Most of her arguments showed her independent thinking ahd her “who cares” attitude.    She did not believe in following any accepted norms of behaviour or societal consents.  She was ruled by her head and not heart,  said she.  The whole affair was a rude shock to us but we had to accept this for the sake of keeping the family together.    So seven years ago,  this girl entered our family as our DIL.

There was considerable change in our lifestyle after DIL entered our household.   Initially it was a tight rope walk for both the parties.   Both were wanting to prove their point of view.  There was much gap in our thinking styles which I assigned to the famous generation gap funda.   The son and the father-in-law were as neutral as they were allowed to be!

Time went by,   guiding principles like “ Live and Let Live”, “No problem, chill”, “No issues”, “It’s my life”, “It is  ok”,  “Let us not discuss this matter anymore” etc have helped us settle down amicably.  Over the  years,   our relations have thawed to a large extent.   Though even now,  she hates to admit that she is at times tired, angry, upset, wishes to complain about something, needs help,  wants to cry.    She doesn’t do it because it is not in her nature to accept any kind of weakness – but now I do get a clue about it from her expressions.   She too has learnt when to leave me alone and when not to take me for granted or trample my toes!

I have also realized that under the tough and headstrong exterior of DIL,    lies a soft, friendly and caring person, who is unable to convey or express her emotions.  But all the same,  DIL never fails to attend to family members’ needs.  I have experienced DIL’s capacity to handle emergencies deftly by taking timely decisions.   I have felt that most of our relatives have changed their opinions about DIL after getting to know her concern and care for them.   But during our daily routine “To each his own” maxim is followed.

My DIL is not much into pooja, pathha or festival celebrations nor does she believe in following any of the family traditions or our practices.     But yes, she teaches our family helpers and needy people with kindness.  Though our opinions differ on many a matter,  we follow the policy of peaceful co-existence and symbiosis.  Because of the dosti of DIL & MIL,  my son feels more relaxed and secure about “His” family life.   Balnace could have tilted either in his favour or against,  if one of us had not been samazdar!   Samazdari mein hi hoshiyari hai!     

Now why did I take a chance to go over the past happenings?  I dared to do it because earlier many a times DIL laughingly used to threaten me and her hubby to put us behind bars on charges of emotional harassment,  if she were to get even a thin chance – she being the daughter of her advocate father!

But now that seven years itch is over,  we have started singing this love duet –

                DIL          : Kya bolti tu?

                MIL        : Kya mai bolu?

                Sun – suna – jati kya police thana

                Kya karu mai jaake abhi police thana?

                Arre marenge, pitenge,  humko vo thokenge

                Roegi  Sasuma teri, roegi  Sasuma

                Arre jaane dona Sasuma – Rehne do na sasuma

                Apun ka DIL MIL gaya na?

A Hen that lays golden eggs

I am a hen that lays golden eggs! Shocked? Surprised? Unbelievable?  Then ask my DIL!  I lay golden eggs for her but in a very different form.

In these days of nuclear families, consisting of only husband, wife and children,  I happen to stay together with my son and DIL without encroaching on each other’s privacy.   My DIL goes to office leaving the kingdom to me,  till she is back in the evening.    When she is back – she takes over – I mean the kitchen.  I get two hearty, ready-made meals and therefore plenty of time to watch the serials on the idiot box.   I have convinced myself that I deserve this royal routine after working for twenty years for my husband and babies in the family.  My DIL lets me enjoy  this privilege.  The reason being that I am the hen that lays golden eggs.  Didn’t I tell you eggs are in a different form?

The story goes like this.  DIL is an avid traveller.   She has married my son by extracting a Kaikeyee type of boon from him,  so it seems.    She must have promised to take care of us – inlaws and family – for ten months of the year, provided nobody questions her about the remaining two months – where and when she plans to spend her time.

So the hisab goes like this – four weeks a year of small outings by adjusting her second and fourth Saturdays off.    A few days of paid leave and casual leave goes in emergency calls such as viral fever,   bad throat, late rising on weekdays,   maid’s chutti, etc.     But DIL plans her one month holiday program two years in advance.  That’s how it is!   She never shares with anyone the special goddess,  whose talisman she wears,  when she approaches her boss for that long vacation.    Not only does she plan her own vacation,  but at times she volunteers to take her mayake-ka-khandan or sasural ke senior citizens for their much lusted foreign trips.  Now that is the time I provide my DIL with my eggs!    Arre baba - that extra leave she takes on my account.

I am the famous sacrificial goat at her boss’s altar.  On many a holiday that she enjoys,   she is supposed to be nursing her poor mother-in-law’s broken hand,  leg or hip.   Some other time,  when she is away enjoying the Amazing Alps or Noisy Niagara,  she is supposed to have admitted me in various expensive super-specialty hospitals for life threatening emergencies like broken vertebral column,   cerebral haemorrhage or cardiac arrest.    And she being the only kind-hearted DIL,  she is supposed to be lovingly fulfilling her duty.    Her boss and colleagues not only sympathise with her,  but also with my husband for marrying such a sickly and accident-prone woman.    So as a reward for her sincerity,   DIL gets extra leave from her stupid boss.

You must be wondering as to why I don’t protest! Simple – I am blissfully unaware of my accidents, fractures and illnesses.    I never come to know that I am the poor person in her deathbed,  holding my DIL’s hand tightly and not letting her go out of my sight.   Just recently I happened to get a whiff of her idea and the ground under my feet started shaking!   “Please DIL,  don’t make me invalid or kill me for your long leave” I pleaded and begged with folded hands.

DIL smiled sweetly and said, “ Listen sasuma,  now for my extended Diwali holidays,  I am planning to say it is your cataract operation in both the eyes.   And then,   for five days leave adjoining the New Year,   my excuse will be your long pending ear operation to cure your deafness!    Be good, sasuma,  and calm down.  For my cho-chweet sasuma,    I have planned a family vacation to Japan in August 2016.    Last but not the least,   about the thought of killing you,      no,  I won’t! 

  How can I kill a hen that lays golden eggs?”

DIL’S DILEMMA

“To trek or not to trek” was not my DIL’S dilemma but whether to take her little – Big hubby with her , was a question troubling her mind.

“Mil what to do you think about my idea of motivating my husband to undertake the trek on coming Saturday ?” DIL asked for my opinion without expecting an answer from me.

“DIL , see if you can convince him but if he is unwilling , don’t be irritated” I mumbled in the vaccum because DIL had disappeared from the sight, not willing or waiting to take my advice or suggestion.

My DIL is quite a self motivated and self reliant person. She hates to take any advice or suggestions though she doesn’t mind dealing them away, like a seasoned card player who deftly deals cards while playing Rummy or Teen Patti.

It is fun to notice how DIL hangs , ones suggestions on a peg in the hall and gets pleasure in acting according to her own plan. If I tell her to make khichadi for dinner, thinking that DIL must be tired after the day’s work, she would prepare a four course meal with Rassam, Sambar, Rice, Potato vegetable and to top it all , she would serve salad, Papadam and curds. If there happens to be some festival and if I try and tell her how important it is to serve proper meal, then she would leave the whole menu care of our cook or would prepare simple lunch of Rice , Kolumbu and may be a dash of age old pickle. If she feels very generous then she would offer to fry an egg as an accompaniment. And mind well , it’s not because she doesn’t know to cook exotic dishes , but DIL simply feels it is not a big deal that the family has to have its 2655^th meal in the form of a festive menu! That’s all ! that’s the way DIL operates. If DIL wants to do something come rain or storm she does it as per her plan.

Sorry , the topic was not about the daily bread that Almighty DIL serves on the dot! But it was about Trekking! Please not the capital T because it is my DIL’s first Love. So to be at it , DIL had started dreaming about treks for long i.e. from the time the Rain God started showering his blessings on Mumbai. On many a weekends she would declare her intention of taking a family for trekking adventure in early morning at 5a.m , On such Friday nights I would get a nightmare and I would see myself dragged to a hill fort. In my dreams I would see that my carefully collected layers of fat ( by eating oodles of desi gee ) melting away in the hot sun!But next morning  I would sigh with relief to find myself to be in bed at 9 a.m. And why did I say hill fort you may ask – the reason given by DIL is they look beautiful and inviting to the seasoned trekkers – especially forts in the regions of Lonavala, Khandala and Pune . e.g Tikona, Panhala, Vishalgad, Lohagad, Karnala and many more…….

DIL can reel out names of any number of forts in Maharashtra that even Shivaji Maharaj would not have remembered.

Well , as per DIL’s every season’s dream , this time DIL wanted to utilize her second week end for trekking and asked her one time trekking companion – who happens to be my DIL ka Tukda – my son , to join her. Dil told him that she has given up her hope to prepare her dumb, lazy, overweight and stubborn MIL to experience the fun , atleast once and has now decided to stop trying anymore. So why not trekking fun only for the  lovey dovey twosome.

But alas! The DIL Ka Tukda refused to budge from his royal seat in front of the TV as there was a final cricket match between England and Australian team and both teams would have surely missed Him – their fan’s presence.

Dil blew her top and shouted – “You Lazy Lump of Lipids- sit at home and incubate the sofa set. I am going ‘Solo’ alone… did you hear ? s-o-l-o , but I will not miss the train for the trek this time at any cost”.

DIL swang her back pack on her shoulder and left home for Lohagad…. To enjoy her much awaited rainy season’s adventure. Without saying bye bye to her poor MIL or poor Lazy Lump Of Lipids !    

Mil , Dil and Dil ka Tukda

“I am telling you Mil – I am very upset with your Dil ka Tukda”. Dil grumbled early in the morning at 9 am. That was not the way to start a Sunday morning.

“Now what did my poor little sonny boy do to displease you Dil ?” I asked pretending to be much concerned about her complaint but still wondering about the cause. I was enjoying my Sunday morning news paper and having a breakfast at the same time.

My Dil is a very private person. She rarely opens her mouth to share any of her frustrating experiences at her work , about the people she meets or any thing that bothers her on the home front.

She tolerates  my Dil ka Tukda’s all whims and fancies with the kind of attitude “Jaane do bachcha hai – chhod deta hoon”. Actually Dil allows him to enjoy full freedom of thought and action. That is the reason I was confused when I heard from Dil that she was upset with my Dil ka Tukda.

“Dil, better come off clean on the topic – say what is bugging you ?”.Dil was shocked to hear my language .Was I trying to ape their language ? She gave me a doubtful look with narrowed eyes.

“Your Dil ka Tukda is going to buy his 17^th mobile phone”.

 “What ?” I jumped with  a shock , spilling my coffee and scattering Idlis all over the breakfast table.

“Dil, I warn you not to tease me again and again by calling him my Dil ka Tukda anymore. You have adopted him long ago. To be precise nine years ago. Now he is your Dil ka Tukda !! clear ? Now blurt out” I said.

“Ok – Ok , right now I am not in a mood to cross swords with you . I told you na, I am upset with DKT. Please tell me how to control his madness about buying the latest cell phone model” Dil pleaded.

I felt like a proud peacock .Dil was asking for my advice! Something she never did in last seven years!! At last she has understood her Mil’s capacity as counselor. The  Great God has given her wisdom to value her Mil’s opinion! I was engrossed in thoughts while patting my own back. 

“Mil , what’s happening about the advice ? You are ready with a dozen when I don’t need your advice and now you want ‘Bhav’ or what ? Dil  sounded angry.

“No Dil I want to go to the root of DKT’s problem. After changing four laptops, three bikes , four models of cars, half a dozen cameras , he now wants to change his 17^th cell phone ? But why I say !”

“Hah ! he says that his six month old model has become out dated. The new model has more apps. He has already placed an order over to an online dealer! Oh Gosh ! 17^th cell phone ! please please suggest something quickly” Dil begged of me.  

As soon as I heard this, I knew Dil was telling the truth. Because in the past DKT has tried many a times to emotionally black mail us for changing our cell phones, toasters , microwave, washing machines and many other electronic gadgets. But the magic of our own marketing man did not mesmerize our minds and all gimmicks’  to buy wonderful technology i.e. current update of phones , I pods, I pads , lap – tops , tablets etc did not work out. DKT loves to flirt with technology and Dil and myself are happy with our old working models of especially cell phones – she with her Black Berry and I with my faithful Nokia of 10 years.

I do appreciate the usefulness of technology but I don’t want to be a slave to it. Actually DKT calls me a Nightmare of sales people who come out with their remote controlled or touch sensitive dream products. And for once Dil shares my views to much extent on this issue.

Our DKT sneers at our choice but that’s how we two ( Dil and Mil ) manage to keep control over our funds.

“Dil, threaten DKT that you would leave him if he buys a new cell phone. I am sure that will scare him” was my advice to Dil. She wondered about my mental condition.

“ It may or may not work – but no harm in trying it out. Otherwise I can always say I was joking’ said Dil. Ready to take a chance. Together we both i.e. Dil and Mil tried hard to deter him from buying that so called status symbol / ego booster.

“Ok I’ll give you an option” said Dil ka Tukda. If you won’t allow me to have an updated version of cell phone or item of my choice , I’ll …………..hmmmmm”

“What you’ll ? what hmmmm………” we both asked together.

“Simple , I’ll change my old wife of seven years for an updated version and also dump 67 year old model of Mom in  a recycle bin” , he said triumphantly.

Do you know any treatment for this Gadgetomania ?    

To Gift or not to gift

‘To gift or not to gift’ was a question before MIL.

“ isn’t it strange” said DIL KA TUKDA, “You used to buy different things for your DIL No. 1. Now why are you making it such a big issue?”

DKT was not ready to understand his poor mom’s problem. She had one most unwilling buyer for her usual gift pack idea. “DIL, I am giving you one more last chance. Why cant you be like the other fifty girls in the family and enjoy normal ‘Feminine Finery’?” pleaded MIL

“I am different – very different” said DIL stubbornly.

“DIL please....please...” MIL almost went down on her knees.

“Arre baba...what’s your problem MIL? You should be happy that you don’t have to spend your money on Sarres, jewellery, handbags or salwar kameez – for me at least.” DIL said firmly.

“DIL, its not the question of money – you should learn to value your MIL’s feelings. People express their love, care and concern when they gift something to somebody” – MIL tried to blackmail DIL emotionally.

“If you wish to satisfy your wish, you may – but don’t expect me to use the given items! As it is, you know that I pass on the things that are forced on to me or I tell you to return them to giver with thanks.” DIL was not ready to give in easily.

MIL too remembered the number of unused gifts extended to DIL.

MIL shook her head in distress. For the first time she had come across a person who refused to take a gift willingly given by someone. But all the same, MIL did not want to leave any stone unturned.

“why don’t you tell me about your likes and dislikes? So that in future, if I see something I will get it for you. “ MIL was feeling like a fool when she failed in convincing her DIL.

“OK, just for your satisfaction I will think over your suggestion.” DIL said obligingly.

In the next week DIL came with a wide smile on her face, and handed over a list of 15 items which she would welcome as a gift. MIL was overjoyed to see the paper thrust in her hand.

“At last – what an obedient, considerate and loving gesture! Thank you DIL!” MIL said with tears in her eyes.

Then she opened the paper and started reading the items breathlessly. She could never have imagined the items mentioned therein.

‘Trekking shoes...sleeping bag....wind cheater....haversack/ backpack....Hidesign wallet....camera....T shirt...jeans...Lonely Planet travel guides.....along with the items, their hifi brand names were included.

MIL was baffled!

Was this a list for her or for him?

Wasn’t it a little odd for DIL to ask for such things from her old fashioned MIL?

Then suddenly MIL started laughing and said to herself – Oh, now I get it...

DKT and DIL had met and fallen for each other when they met for the first time on the Everest base camp trekking expedition.

“So... she is different.” MIL admitted wholeheartedly.